The Secret Lair

To: All Personnel
From: Management
Subject: Overlord Miller’s Head

It has recently come to my attention that many (if not all) of you are laboring under the mistaken belief that the headless body in Stasis Chamber 7-Alpha belongs to Overlord Miller, and that the head which is normally attached to said body was accidentally teleported to an alien medical frigate orbiting Succula IX.

Let me assure you that this is simply untrue. Mr. Miller’s head is precisely where it belongs and the alleged absence of his cranium has nothing to do with any delays in the release of new podcast episodes. In fact, the delays are strictly due to the difficulties our Chief Engineer has encountered in tuning the subliminal harmonic wave generators. I need not remind you that releasing an episode with an ill-tuned subliminal harmonic wave would almost certainly result in a variety of unpleasant and (for the time being) entirely undesirable side-effects for our listeners including (but not limited to) cranial cavity implosion, uncontrollable drooling, temporary (we think) insanity, and/or “jazz hands”.

The Chief Engineer is working diligently to overcome this technical challenge; he is not attempting to devise a means by which Overlord Miller’s head can be returned to this galaxy and reattached to the aforementioned headless body. Once the issues with the subliminal harmonic wave generators have been resolved, new episodes of the podcast will be released post haste.

To further address these rampant rumors, this communiqué contains an embedded hypnotic suggestion that will eradicate all awareness and memory of the headless body in Stasis Chamber 7-Alpha.

I repeat, there is no headless body in Stasis Chamber 7-Alpha.

Thank you.

C.A. Sizemore has been a fan of The Secret Lair since day one. He has provided us with feedback and even contributed a manuscript that we simply haven’t gotten around to publishing yet. C.A. has been with us since long before The Secret Lair became a reality: he followed us here from The House of the Harping Monkey and Volcanicast, where he was a loyal, involved fan. I’m hard-pressed to think of a podcast that C.A. doesn’t listen to and equally hard-pressed to think of a podcaster who doesn’t know him. He is the best kind of fan we could possibly ask for and we are all lucky to have him.

This morning C.A.’s wife, Kelly, passed away unexpectedly. Our hearts, thoughts, prayers and deepest condolences are with C.A. in this difficult and tragic time.

I’ve taken down the tip jar because there is something better you can do with your money today: you can give a little to help someone who has always been there for us, a loyal fan like no other. Please visit the donation site established by Mae Breakall and give what you can to help C.A. cover the expenses that tragic events like these always incur.

Due to an issue with the temporal warp units, the Overlords are unable to converse with you.  Instead, BECKY, the AI which keeps order within the Lair, presents some original fiction: the fruit of the Overlords’ daily writing meetups at the café.

• In our first piece, The Monologue,  Kris orates grandly before one of the many who have attempted to penetrate the Lair…and failed.
• Our second piece, entitled Serial,  Chris tells a tale of boy meets girl…meets knife. NOTE: Not really for the kiddies, this one.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 11:32 — 21.6MB)