Aug
25
Internal Memo: Temporary Safety Director
Filed Under Memoranda | Leave a Comment
To: All Lair Personnel
From: Overlord Johnson
Subject: Temporary Safety Director
While Mr. Doroschuk is recovering in the infirmary1 I will be temporarily assuming the role of Safety Director. Weekly safety meetings will occur on schedule; please consult your zone coordinator if you have any questions about which session(s) you should attend.
On a related note, we have recovered and/or neutralized approximately 94% of the alien spores but it was necessary to disable all internal ventilation until such time as the threat has been eliminated. I have received reports from some of the lower sublevels that the air is becoming quite “stale”, but by all accounts it is a small price to pay for not being infected by an alien organism of unknown origin. Silver lining!
One final note: please be aware that Mr. Doroschuk is not only quarantined, but also heavily sedated. As a result, we are unable to deliver the cards and flowers many of you have sent. Additionally, Mr. Doroschuk no longer appears to be able to speak or comprehend any known language, so relaying well wishes to him at this point is entirely futile.
Thank you.
Popularity: 3% [?]
- Assuming he does recover. Dr. Pterous informs me that the “infection” (for lack of a better term) has spread across the entire left arm, giving Mr. Doroschuk’s skin a bark-like appearance and texture. The internal effects have not yet been fully determined. [↩]
Aug
16
The Secret Lair Comic 0008: Did You Feel That?
Filed Under Comics | 2 Comments
Popularity: 7% [?]
Aug
15
Ep. 0014: Overlord Miller has left Chez Geek
Filed Under Villainy | 7 Comments
In this highly unedited show, witness the wonder, the non-stop action that is Chris’s last game night with Overlord Johnson and the rest of the gaming crew.
Better show notes to follow, when Overlord Johnson has escaped from the Metaquantum Frabulator which his young padawan made from Legos and some spare plutonium.
Popularity: 7% [?]
Aug
7
To: All Personnel
From: Overlord Johnson
Subject: Overlord Miller’s Departure
It has come to my attention that I may have been somewhat heavy-handed in ordering the immediate termination of the minion who distributed the electronically-doctored “wedding album” featuring Overlord Miller and myself.1 Therefore, I am not issuing any immediate termination orders, but will instead make the following declarations regarding Overlord Miller’s imminent departure:
- Overlord Miller’s move to The Secret Lair West is not ”banishment” and he is not being “sent into exile”.
- There will be no “East Coast/West Coast Gang War” and any references to the same should cease immediately. I hesistate to point out the obvious, but The Secret Lair is not on the “East Coast”.
- Along the same lines, we will not be referring to the Cleveland Lair as “Great Lakes” anything.
- No one has “dibs” on Overlord Miller’s “stuff”. Stop it.
- The next person I hear singing “I Love L.A.” will be reassigned to jet pack test piloting duties. I would remind you that—despite the fact that testing was conducted in a closed laboratory—we barely found enough of the last test pilot to identify the remains as human. Overlord Miller is, obviously, exempt from this decree.
- A similar fate awaits the next person I hear singing “Uptown Girl” in or near any of the men’s restrooms. This has nothing to do with Overlord Miller’s departure; I just find it creepy.
- The contest to win Overlord Miller’s parking space is unauthorized. Though I do appreciate everyone’s efforts to develop the “Deadliest Death Ray”, the idea that one ray can render an individual more dead than another is rather absurd.
- Please do not send me your résumé and references; we do not have an open Overlord position.
That is all.
Popularity: 12% [?]
- I would like to point out that I rescinded my secondary order to terminate anyone who had actually seen the album before anyone of consequence was fed to the hammerhead-alligator-piranhas, and that a 20-minute “sanity check” has been temporarily instituted on further termination orders. [↩]
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