Aug
7
Internal Memo: Overlord Miller’s Departure
Filed Under Memoranda
To: All Personnel
From: Overlord Johnson
Subject: Overlord Miller’s Departure
It has come to my attention that I may have been somewhat heavy-handed in ordering the immediate termination of the minion who distributed the electronically-doctored “wedding album” featuring Overlord Miller and myself.1 Therefore, I am not issuing any immediate termination orders, but will instead make the following declarations regarding Overlord Miller’s imminent departure:
- Overlord Miller’s move to The Secret Lair West is not ”banishment” and he is not being “sent into exile”.
- There will be no “East Coast/West Coast Gang War” and any references to the same should cease immediately. I hesistate to point out the obvious, but The Secret Lair is not on the “East Coast”.
- Along the same lines, we will not be referring to the Cleveland Lair as “Great Lakes” anything.
- No one has “dibs” on Overlord Miller’s “stuff”. Stop it.
- The next person I hear singing “I Love L.A.” will be reassigned to jet pack test piloting duties. I would remind you that—despite the fact that testing was conducted in a closed laboratory—we barely found enough of the last test pilot to identify the remains as human. Overlord Miller is, obviously, exempt from this decree.
- A similar fate awaits the next person I hear singing “Uptown Girl” in or near any of the men’s restrooms. This has nothing to do with Overlord Miller’s departure; I just find it creepy.
- The contest to win Overlord Miller’s parking space is unauthorized. Though I do appreciate everyone’s efforts to develop the “Deadliest Death Ray”, the idea that one ray can render an individual more dead than another is rather absurd.
- Please do not send me your résumé and references; we do not have an open Overlord position.
That is all.
Popularity: 79% [?]
- I would like to point out that I rescinded my secondary order to terminate anyone who had actually seen the album before anyone of consequence was fed to the hammerhead-alligator-piranhas, and that a 20-minute “sanity check” has been temporarily instituted on further termination orders. [↩]
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