Internal Memo: Overlord Miller’s Departure

To: All Personnel
From: Overlord Johnson
Subject: Overlord Miller’s Departure

It has come to my attention that I may have been somewhat heavy-handed in ordering the immediate termination of the minion who distributed the electronically-doctored “wedding album” featuring Overlord Miller and myself.¹ Therefore, I am not issuing any immediate termination orders, but will instead make the following declarations regarding Overlord Miller’s imminent departure:

1. Overlord Miller’s move to The Secret Lair West is not ”banishment” and he is not being “sent into exile”.
2. There will be no “East Coast/West Coast Gang War” and any references to the same should cease immediately. I hesistate to point out the obvious, but The Secret Lair is not on the “East Coast”.
3. Along the same lines, we will not be referring to the Cleveland Lair as “Great Lakes” anything.
4. No one has “dibs” on Overlord Miller’s “stuff”. Stop it.
5. The next person I hear singing “I Love L.A.” will be reassigned to jet pack test piloting duties. I would remind you that—despite the fact that testing was conducted in a closed laboratory—we barely found enough of the last test pilot to identify the remains as human. Overlord Miller is, obviously, exempt from this decree.
6. A similar fate awaits the next person I hear singing “Uptown Girl” in or near any of the men’s restrooms. This has nothing to do with Overlord Miller’s departure; I just find it creepy.
7. The contest to win Overlord Miller’s parking space is unauthorized. Though I do appreciate everyone’s efforts to develop the “Deadliest Death Ray”, the idea that one ray can render an individual more dead than another is rather absurd.
8. Please do not send me your résumé and references; we do not have an open Overlord position.

 That is all.

1. I would like to point out that I rescinded my secondary order to terminate anyone who had actually seen the album before anyone of consequence was fed to the hammerhead-alligator-piranhas, and that a 20-minute “sanity check” has been temporarily instituted on further termination orders. [↩]

1. 

   Nycteris says:

   August 7, 2008 at 2:11 pm

   Aww.