The Secret Lair

By releasing this episode of The Secret Lair less than a week after it was recorded, we recognize that we are setting what could reasonably be called an uncomfortable precedent. Indeed, we tend toward a more relaxed release schedule, owing to—among other things—the Procrastination Enhancement Field, a device that has an effective radius far greater than our initial calculations indicated. Unfortunately, the PEF was tested in early February and no one got around to verifying the results until just last week.

At any rate, there is an episode of the podcast enclosed in this blog entry. We are legally obligated to advise you that it is meant to be taken aurally.

In the Beginning, there was Listener Feedback

• Jack Jaffee (12 Volt Theater) asks how we sound so good. For obvious security reasons, we can’t answer that.
• Josh enjoys our long shows; they make his long, boring day go by more quickly.
• Matt wants to know what happened to the NanoMonkeys. Answer: We used them as test subjects in an experimented and they evolved into NanoHumans. Soon after, they invented rudimentary tools and proceeded to kill one another. However, we have recently learned that in an alternate universe, some NanoMonkey content will be released on Mur Lafferty’s I Should Be Writing feed throughout the month of November. If you happen to have the technology to receive podcasts trans-dimensionally, we strongly suggest you give that a try.

And We Did The Middle Bit, and it was…in the Middle

• November is How Not to Grow a Beard Month. If you’d like to test the limits of your facial hair, join the overlords and several of their potentially-hirsuite friends at the official HoNoToGroABeMo site.
• While we discuss writing and that other big, month-long challenge coming up in November, Chris takes a moment to channel Jeff Goldblum from an old iMac ad. You know the one.
• We reminisce a bit about the wisdom of Bill Cosby in matters paternal and biblical.
• Rae Lamond, who lives in another country entirely, will have an evil essay on an upcoming show. You’ve just read it on the Internet, so it must be true.
• We begin to praise the work of our Secretary of Artistic Propaganda, Natalie Metzger, and then things take a rather weird turn. We expect at least one restraining order will follow.

And Later There was A Break, and We Rested

• Rob Balder returns with a message about natural disasters, which is not a gimmick to get you to buy his CDs. But you should buy his CDs.

And Lo, we Returned, and then We Spake¹ of Other Stuff

• Chris uses Twhirl and Adium, whatever those are. He’s on Facebook, FriendFeed, Twitter and a dozen other social networking sites.
• Kris is, too. And Plurk.
• Yes, we chopped a hunk out of the show here. You’re better off not hearing it. Really.
• Kris gets the name of the author wrong; it’s Michael Pollan, and the book is The Omnivore’s Dilemma.
• Kris got it wrong again. The International House of Johnson houses ten coffee cups in the Bonnie Brae pattern from Pfaltzgraff (discontinued) and at least a half dozen mugs.
• Kris rambles a bit about The Slanket.
• Chris is reading The Dresden Files series by Jim Butcher again. Kris is reading Gil’s All Fright Diner by A. Lee Martinez.
• Chris recommends familiarizing yourself with the command line. Nerd.
• Kris rambles a bit about Con on the Cob. For further details, feel free to examine these entries on his blog:
  • Day One
  • Day Two: Shaintar
  • Day Three: Tomb
  • Day Three: Marvel SAGA
  • Day Four: WEGS
• Chris’ gaming group is the West Hills Pathfinders.

And There Was No More

• Our theme music is “Skullcrusher Mountain” by Jonathan Coulton.
• Those wishing to leave us feedback (at The Secret Lair. Dot com.) may do so in the blog comments or via our feedback form.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:04:10 — 58.7MB)

1. Is that really a word? [↩]

The Secret Lair returns with a full hour of dual-Lair goodness. Overlord Johnson reports in from the Cleveland Lair, while Overlord Miller is breaking in the furniture at The Secret Lair West. Chris has discovered that Los Angeles has some very interesting quirks, but he and his family are beginning to adjust.

It is merely a coincidence that The Secret Lair West is located somewhere near the Angeles Forest, where fires raged in early October. Even if the source of the blaze could be traced back to the Lair (which it most certainly cannot), there is absolutely no evidence to corroborate rumors of a magma transduction conduit breach.

Musical Interlude the First

• “Nethack” by Rob Balder.

And We’re Back…

• Chris is listening to podcasts on his new commute.
  • You Look Nice Today. May not be entirely work-safe.
  • Voice of Free Planet X. The final episode (#160) of this fantastic podcast was released in September.
  • Nathan Lowell‘s Golden Age of the Solar Clipper.
    • Quarter Share
    • Half Share
    • Full Share
    • Double Share
    • South Coast
  • The Command Line Podcast.
  • Various works by Mur Lafferty.
    • I Should Be Writing
    • The Takeover
  • Kris also listens to the occasional podcast.
    • Radio Isopod, from our very own Secretary of Artistic Propaganda, Natalie Metzger.
    • The Video Game Show, from The Gamercast Network.
• Some folks won some awards for doing podcasts. Parsec Awards, even. Congratulations to:            
  • Scott Sigler — Red Man, Best Speculative Fiction Story (Short Form)
  • Mur Lafferty — Wasteland, Best Speculative Fiction Story (Novella Form)
  • Mur Lafferty — Playing For Keeps, Best Speculative Fiction Story (Long Form)
  • Christiana Ellis — Space Casey, Best Speculative Fiction Audio Drama (Short Form)
  • Tee Morris — Billibub Baddings and the Case of the Singing Sword, Best Speculative Fiction Audio Drama (Long Form)
  • Earl Newton — Stranger Things, Best Speculative Fiction Video Podcast
  • Rick Stringer — Variant Frequencies, Best Speculative Fiction Magazine or Anthology Podcast
  • Shortcummings Audio, Best Speculative Fiction Comedy/Parody Podcast
  • Slice of Sci-Fi, Best Speculative Fiction News Podcast
  • Galactica Quorum, Best Speculative Fiction Fan Podcast
  • Adventures in Scifi Publishing, Best Writing-related Podcast
  • The Weird Show, Best “Infotainment” Cast
  • The Game Kennel, Best Gaming Podcast
• Why no awards for the Escape Artists, Inc. shows (Escape Pod, Pseudopod, Pod Castle)?
• J.J. Abrams has a new show called Fringe. It is on FOX, so it’s likely been canceled already. Chris has some reservations about the show’s core concept.

Musical Interlude the Second

• “Technobabble World” by Rob Balder.
• If you like the music in this episode, we highly recommend that you visit The FuMP, also known as The Funny Music Project.

Once Again We Return…

• Kris likes Google Chrome. Chris is unimpressed, largely because it’s not yet available for Macs. Linux users, likewise, will have to wait for their version.
• Kris blames Bridget Stewart for the marked decline in productivity he experienced after she linked to Fantastic Contraption. Build a…well, a fantastic contraption to move the object to the goal.
• In upcoming episodes, we will speak with Mr. Kenneth Newquist and Mr. David Moore, provided our Retrieval Squads can manage a clean takedown.

Lair Keeping

• Our theme music is “Skullcrusher Mountain”, by the inimitable Jonathan Coulton.
• There are a number of ways to leave us feedback at The Secret Lair. Dot com. Comments on the blog entries are encouraged, as is use of the feedback form.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:00:29 — 55.4MB)

Here it is: Episode 0015 of The Secret Lair. I have to coordinate the delivery and application of eighty thousand gallons of Super Glue to repair the damage done to the San Andreas Fault by a malfuctioning Tectonic Agitator, so I’m going to leave the show notes to Overlord Johnson. I’m sure he’ll be as prompt as usual about getting them done. Hey aren’t we still waiting on notes for Episodes 0007 and 0014?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:31 — 2.1MB)

Here it is at long last, Episode 0015 of The Secret Lair! As much as I hate to post and run, I’m going to have to save the show notes for later; seems there’s been a slight problem with the android duplicate of Overlord Miller I had created and I have run to the local wholesale club to pick up several hundred rolls of paper towels and about a ton and a half of cat litter (which I’m told absorbs blood very well). Expect show notes in the next day or so.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:31 — 2.1MB)

Our webmaster, who operates under the rather cryptic moniker ==>|\/|0zA1k<==,¹ has informed me that the WordPress plugin he installed to allow subliminal posting to this very blog has not worked as advertised. In fact, it has not worked at all. Needless to say, I am not happy to learn that the daily posts I’ve been writing over the past three months were not only entirely ineffective but—now that the plugin has been removed—no longer exist in the WordPress database.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, really. Had the plugin been working every person reading this blog would now be my unquestioning, subservient thrall. Now that I understand the plugin wasn’t working, I am given cause to wonder whether the unquestioning, subservient thralls I do have weren’t merely hoboes having a bit of fun with me. That would certainly explain the bindles.

Several of you have inquired about the recent lack of content from the Overlords on The Secret Lair and the answers we generally provide are riddled with vague references to “work” and “family” and “court-ordered community service”. In truth, we have been diligently creating content that, thanks to the aforementioned malfunctioning WordPress plugin, was never distributed and is now, regrettably, lost forever. Rest assured that new content we create will be appearing in your RSS aggregator or podcatcher soon. Far from being subliminal, these new blog posts and podcast episodes will be superliminal, and you will be keenly aware that your will is being sapped and your desires bent to serve our purposes.

1. Honestly, I have no idea how to pronounce it; I just call him “Herbert” because he reminds me of Jeffrey Combs in the movie ReAnimator. Though what possible reason a webmaster would have for constantly running around with a syringe filled with phosphorescent green liquid is quite beyond me. [↩]