Internal Memo: Pranks
To: All Lair Personnel
From: Overlord Miller
Subject: Web site uptime and podcast schedule
While Overlord Johnson and I reward hard work and appreciate an enterprising mind, whomever decided to hook up the Q-Crays to the Desktop Hadron Collidor needs to present him/herself to me as soon as possible.
The resulting gravitational anomaly has trashed all the recordings that Overlord Johnson and I made over the month of December. While we can appreciate that David Moore’s clone’s presence in the building was offensive, it did not call for the destruction of the recording of the interrogation.
Additionally, we’re tracing the individual who sent the Hound of Tindalos puppies to the Turkish Government as a holiday gift. While humorous, it did result in temporary downtime for the web site when the counterattack hit us.
I cannot overemphasize how important branding is to a successful evil enterprise. Microsoft, AT&T, and Chuck E. Cheese have dominated based on catchy slogans and animatronic figures1 alone. If we want to maximize the return on our investments in shock troops and propaganda campaigns, we cannot have these sorts of slip-ups and pranks.
Thank you.
- Steve Ballmer, in the case of Microsoft [↩]
Tags: Chris Miller
I still think the target of the “gravitational anomaly” was my extensive collection of Tuvan throat singing MP3s, and to the individual or group responsible I have only this to say: you missed.
On an almost unrelated note, I hope everyone is enjoying the music I am piping in to the cafeterias, restrooms and elevators. If you are not enjoying it, there is a simple way to make it stop, and I think you know what it is.
RE: Simple ways to make the singing stop
To our Great and Noble Leaders. I have ensured that those who wished the wonderful music for which you provide us to stop realized that making it stop was a very simple thing indeed. You should recieve no more complaints, though I must request a new uniform. The use of Chocolate pudding, while interesting was no less messy.
I can however report a resounding success on the behaviour modifications, I mean lessons in musical appreciation.