The Secret Lair

• There are forums. You should join. http://www.thesecretlair.com/forum. #
• The moat dredging is scheduled for 1200 hours this Wed. Petunia (the giant squid) will be irritable during this time. You’re been warned. #
• Due to a supplier mixup, anyone who drank the coffee between 8 and 11 this morning is advised to report to the nearest infirmary. #
• @thebeardedgoose We use the screams of our victims. More cost effective. in reply to thebeardedgoose #
• Functioning quantum photon transistors = lovely light bridge. NON-functioning quantum photon transistors = another FedEx truck in Lake Erie. #
• Thanks to last night’s Earth Hour debacle, there will be a mandatory refresher course on which systems are and are not “essential”. #

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Whether we’re discussing the film adaptation of the comic book mini-series, Watchmen, or the series finale of Ronald Moore’s Battlestar Galactica, never has the phrase “Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair” been more appropriate for more reasons. That’s right, it’s time for Episode 0021 of The Secret Lair, so let’s get down to business.

First up, our thanks to:

• Jack Jaffee: 12V Theatre. Is anyone else getting a sense of déjà vu here?
• Josh, who likes our longer shows. Hey, why does this sound so familiar?
• Chris Fisher: The Adult Space Child Free Podcast, which we’ve never mentioned on the show before. Finally, something new!

Join our forums. Why? Because we said so.

Promo: Nuketown Radio Active.

Sidebar (12:19 – 17:40): Battlestar Galactica series finale. Kris hasn’t watched the series since the middle of season three, but Chris is made of sterner stuff and watched until the end. The bitter, bitter end. Spoiler Alert! The series finale spoils the entire series!

Further Reading related to the BSG finale:

• Chris’ thoughts are further documented at his blog.
• Mur Lafferty
•  The Sci-Fi Geek
• A whole pile of folks from Tor.com offer this round table.

Discussion (17:40 – 40:45): Watchmen

• Spoiler Alert: We spoil the hell out of this twenty-three-year-old comic book and several-week-old movie. 
• Based on a twelve-issue comic book mini-series originally published in 1986.¹
• The comic was written by Alan Moore,²  illustrated by Dave Gibbons and distributed by DC. If you’ve not read it, we recommend you do. In fact, go do it now; the podcast (and these show notes) will be waiting for you when you return.
• Moore based many of the characters on those appearing in Charlton Comics.
• The movie adaptation was directed by Zack Snyder (300), not to be confused with John Schneider, who portrayed Bo Duke in the classic television series, The Dukes of Hazzard. These are two completely different men. This cannot be emphasized enough.
• Rorschach was portrayed by Jackie Earle Haley. You may know him from The Bad News Bears. We are totally not kidding.
• The Comedian was portrayed by Jeffrey Dean Morgan who may or may not have been on the receiving end of a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris. We’re leaning toward the latter (may not) as he still has a face.
• Silk Spectre II was portrayed by Malin Åkerman, who may or may not have been one of the only people not completely stoned out of their minds in Harold and Kumar go to White Castle.
• Billy Crudup as Dr. Manhattan: priceless.

Promo: Personal Effects: Dark Art by J.C. Hutchins and Jordan Weisman. Commit yourself to The Brink.

Discussion (42:55 – end): Movie Adaptations

Having your book turned into a movie is like seeing your oxen turned into bouillon cubes.
—John le Carré

• Ridley Scott vs. Philip K. Dick (Blade Runner/Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?)
• Alfonso Cuarón vs. J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)
• Sam Raimi vs. Stan Lee vs. Brian Michael Bendis (Spider-Man/Ultimate Spider-Man)
• Stephen King vs. New Line Cinema (The Lawnmower Man)
• Isaac Asimov vs. Will Smith (I, Robot)
• Could Blazing Saddles be remade today?

Lairkeeping

• Follow us on Twitter: Chris, Kris and The Secret Lair.
• Leave us feedback in the comments on this blog entry or send e-mail to feedback at The Secret Lair. Dot com.
• Join our forums. Yes, that’s two links in the same post. Wanna fight about it? Take it to the forums!
• Our theme music is Jonathan Coulton by “Skullcrusher Mountain”. No, wait. Strike that; reverse it.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (40.4MB)

1. Expressed in Roman numerals as MCMLXXXVI, which is commonly pronounced “mikkumluksvee”. 1985, the year in which the story takes place, is expressed in Roman numerals as MCMLXXXV and commonly pronounced “mikkumluksiv”. We have no idea who actually pronounces Roman numerals this way. [↩]
2. Absolutely no relation to David Moore that we are willing to admit. [↩]

Has it really been two decades since we started doing these shows? No. Not even close. We do release more than one episode a year, you know. Well, usually. Have we aged twenty years since we began doing these shows? Yes, we have, but that’s just due to an unfortunate incident with the Temporal Accelerator and we’re hoping to have that all straightened out before we start drawing Social Security or early next week, whichever comes first.

At any rate, here is Episode 20 of The Secret Lair. These are the show notes. Think of them as a handy companion to the audio experience; sort of a Director’s Cut or perhaps the liner notes of the show. Liner notes? Well, way back in the Dark Ages, when music was more than just a fancy collection of ones and zeroes…you know what? Forget it. Don’t they teach you kids anything in school these days?

Promo: Personal Effects: Dark Art by J.C. Hutchins. Yeah. That guy.

Review: Silent Running (1972). Yes, we’re talking about science-fiction films that are more than thirty-five years old. Why? Because nothing made since has been worth watching. Now get off our lawn and take your rock and roll music with you.

Here are a few things you may not have known about Silent Running. We knew, of course. We’re in the business of knowing such things.

• Joseph Campanella portrays Captain Neal. He is never seen on-screen. Who’s Joseph Campanella? Hey, I’m not going to do all the work for you here; how about you go out and get some damn culture?
• Peter Shickele (AKA PDQ Bach) conducted the music. The Blue Man Group is a bunch of makeup-wearing punks next to this guy.

Promo: The Zombie Chronicles by James Melzer, available at Podiobooks.com. Because Chris really wanted the word “schlong” to appear in this episode.

Discussion: Wherein we discuss every relevant aspect of digital distribution of media over the Internets. Yes, every single relevant aspect. After listening to this discussion, you will know everything you will ever need to know about distributing pretty pictures and sound over the Internet. As a bonus feature, we opine upon the past, present and future of digital distribution versus physical media. Want to know what you should think about all of this? Fear not: we will tell you what to think.

Lairkeeping

• Our theme music is still “Skullcrusher Mountain” by Jonathan Coulton; at least until he returns from the Triassic Era to stop us from using it.
• Feel free to leave feedback in the comments section of this blog post or via our handy contact form. Will we warp and twist your words to our own ends? Almost certainly.

Wallpaper!

Enjoy these desktop wallpaper images, courtesy of our Secretary of Artistic Propaganda, Natalie Metzger.

Flesh Eating Mutant Hamster (Full Screen)

Flesh Eating Mutant Hamster (Wide Screen)

The Secret Lair - Overlords (Full Screen)

The Secret Lair - Overlords (Wide Screen)

The Secret Lair - Banner (Full Screen)

The Secret Lair - Banner (Wide Screen)

The Secret Lair (Full Screen)

The Secret Lair (Wide Screen)

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (24.0MB)

• Raising an army of atomic snowmen should be easier than this. http://is.gd/lqHf #
• The instructions for programming our new Universal Translator are written in a language no one at the Lair understands. I hate irony. #
• Note to Dr. West: Technically, they’re just “animated Gummi Bears”. To be “reanimated”, they’d have to have been alive before at some point. #
• Note to Overzealous Security Guard: My iPod earbuds are not a wire protruding from my neck. I am not an android, nor do I enjoy being tased. #
• Mulling over a proposed Take Your Child to the Lair Day. #
• Scanning targets. Targets identified. Prepare for termination. #
• Many Bothans died to bring @codeshaman a Happy Birthday. In other news, Lair shock troops have successfully overthrown the Bothan gov’t. #
• The new autonomous battle troopers have a weapon based on PEZ dispenser technology. I can’t decide whether it’s cool or just unnerving. #
• Trying not to laugh at the minions who have just discovered that the ice on the moat is now too thin to skate upon. That’s one happy squid. #
• Whether it is technically necessary for our transforming robots to make “that noise” is entirely irrelevant. Just make it happen. #
• What’s to be done when your newly-installed trapdoor messes with the flow of Qi in the office? Hindsight and Feng Shui don’t mix. #

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