The Secret Lair

The colony planet of Eighty-Six looks as dull as all its fellow new worlds to veteran journalist Lex Falk, but when a local squabble starts to turn violent, and the media start getting the runaround from the military high command, his interest is seriously piqued.

Forbidden from approaching the battlezone, he gets himself chipped inside the head of a combat veteran – and uncovers the story of a lifetime. When the soldier is killed, however, Falk must use all his resourcefulness to get back home again… and blow the lid off the whole damn thing.

Eighty-Six looks like a dull colony/mining world to Lex Falk. Falk is a long-time journalist who’s lengthy travel between worlds, and years of reporting has worn on him. His bitter and cynical outlook shape the reader’s perceptions of Eighty-Six and the cast of characters that Falk interacts with.

The book starts off slow, and Falk’s perspective tinges everything and everyone in it with his cynical eye. Falk wants out of his life, and sees Eighty-Six as a possible last story for his career. This cynical bent to things almost got me to stop reading early on. Eighty-Six holds more of a story than he realizes though, and as he gets wind of it, his interest, and my own in the book, picked up.

As Falk digs deeper, he’s offered the opportunity to become embedded into the mind of a soldier going out on a mission. He’ll ride along mentally inside the mind of the volunteer soldier, truly an embedded journalist. It’s an experimental procedure, but Falk is willing to give just about anything to get the story. Things go bad though when the soldier’s squad gets ambushed, and the soldier is nearly killed. Falk is forced to take over the body in order to survive.

This is the point in the story where I was most interested. I’m a fan of military science fiction, and this is where the book seems to shine. The small squad action, and Falk’s attempt to convince his new squad mates that he’s the soldier they all think him to be kept me going through the story. The lengths the squad needs to go to, and the troubles that hit them, kept my interest up that wasn’t there in the beginning.

If you are a fan of military science fiction, and are ok with a slow buildup to the meat of the story, then you might like this book. I found this book was perfect for reading on my commute in on the train, and look forward to more from Mr. Abnett.

Adam Christopher is the author of the forthcoming novel Empire State, set to be published in January of 2012 by Angry Robot Books. As a special bonus, Empire State will be the first setting made available via the new WorldBuilder project. (For more info on WorldBuilder, stop back tomorrow and look for John Cmar’s discussion with Mur Lafferty and Lee Harris.)

Adam was a real sport and took some question from us about his début novel.

Tell us about the world of Empire State. What makes it a great setting for a superhero novel?

Empire State has two main settings, Prohibition-Era New York City, and the Empire State itself, a corrupted reflection of 1930s Manhattan. New York is pretty much how we know it from history… except the city is protected by a pair of rocket-powered superheroes. Or was protected, because now the two superheroes at each other’s throats, leaving New York to the gangsters, who are now free to carve the city up between them as they fight to establish their own little empires fuelled by bootleg liquor.

The Empire State is a dark, wet city, perpetually bounded by fog, a totalitarian state ruled by the Chairman of the City Commissioners from the top floor of the Empire State Building. The citizens know they are on an island, and sometimes they can see strange lights in the fog on the other side of the water… which is ridiculous, because the Empire State is the Empire State and there is nowhere else. Unless you count the lands of the Enemy, of course, but loose lips sink ships…

The 1930s were the defining moment for superheroes, and I’ve always thought that period superheroes are a fascinating concept. Marvel Studios have shown that it works with the likes of the Captain America and X-Men: First Class films, and another favourite of mine is The Rocketeer. How amazing would Batman Begins have been if it had been set in 1939?

And when you look at the comics from this period, the Golden Age, they’re actually incredibly weird and imaginative – you’ve got The Bat-Man machine-gunning perps, while Alan Scott, the Green Lantern, uses his magic ring to close down corrupt orphanages. In the real world, the United States had Prohibition, which in retrospect was just bizarre. The Great Depression was also an amazing period of creativity, from which came superhero comics, noir detectives, jazz music, pulp fiction. So it’s rich and fertile ground for fiction of all kinds – including science fiction, and including superhero fiction.

What is it that drew you to this era of history?

Actually I think the first idea that struck me was pretty simple – I’d been reading Raymond Chandler, and wondered what it would be like if this was science fiction – in the middle of The Big Sleep, what would happen if Philip Marlowe uncovered somebody building an army of robots to take over the world?

Add to that my fascination with Prohibition and the Golden Age of superheroes, and 1930s New York seemed a very obvious place to start.

Some of the great heroes of entertainment come from Noir settings; The Shadow, The Sandman (Wesley Dodds, of course), and Batman all come to mind. How did you develop your heroes for this book to fit into this time period? What makes them different from costumed characters from a later era?

The 1930s are, in my mind, certainly the spiritual home for superheroes, and you’re right in that a lot of it is also noir in tone – Batman is the world’s greatest detective, skulking around in the shadows at night, but there are plenty of others: The Crimson Avenger, The Spirit, Slam Bradley, etc.

I actually didn’t write Empire State as a superhero novel, and I still don’t think it is – it’s noir science fiction, a pulpy detective story that happens to have superheroes in it. I was keen for the superheroes that do appear to be clearly the product of the time – although being science fiction, the science is obviously nothing like what was available in the 1930s. The two heroes are rocket-powered, like The Rocketeer, with a little steampunk thrown in.

There are a couple of differences between these superheroes and ones from a later period – say, for example, in my novel Seven Wonders, which is a book about a superteam set in the present. The first is in terms of technology. While the superheroes in Empire State are using super-advanced 1930s technology, I’m not sure how well they’d fair in the present.

But secondly, and most importantly, underneath the armour they are people from the 1930s. The world was different back then and people saw the world differently.

How does WorldBuilder fit in with the novel? What do you hope to see from fans of your work?

Empire State is the perfect novel for something like the Worldbuilder project, because the options for contributors are virtually limitless. There’s 1930s Prohibition New York, there’s the Empire State; you can have private detectives, gangsters, bootleggers, superheroes; there are G-Men, there are robots, there is a war going on, there are lights beyond the fog. You can tell so many different stories and still be contained within the worlds of the novel. Some have asked why Angry Robot have not chosen to use a fantasy or science fiction world for such a project, but Empire State can actually accommodate both – perhaps not swords and sorcery and perhaps not space opera, but in reality those are really very limited worlds to work in anyway. With Empire State you can write pulp, noir, crime, science fiction, urban fantasy, you name it. You can write about fringe science, and while there is no magic in the novel, the chances are that there are magical superheroes somewhere in the world. With a little imagination, the possibilities are endless.

The thing I’m looking forward to the most is to see that first submission – the thought that somebody, somewhere, has created something based on my world, will be wonderful and surreal. I’m hoping people will write fiction using some of the characters from the book, but also I’ll be intrigued by what people will create – what else exists in the world that I don’t know about yet?

Is there any connection to your second novel, Seven Wonders?

Empire State and Seven Wonders are separate and standalone – Empire State is a pulp detective science fiction story set in the past. Seven Wonders is a big, primary colour superhero novel set in the present (and on the opposite side of the US to New York). But whether there is any connection between the two… well, I’ll have to leave that for people to find out!

The short story was once, perhaps, the cornerstone medium for telling genre fiction tales. It’s no secret that as of several years ago, there was concern about whether the market for speculative short fiction was dying a slow death, with a number of publications disappearing and dwindling subscriptions to old stalwarts like Analog and Asimov’s. Of late, there seems to have been a resurgence of paying venues for science fiction and fantasy short stories, from podcast audio magazines like Escape Pod to e-book and traditional print media. But this reinvigoration of the short story comes at a time when the publishing industry is in an unprecedented state of flux, as the general public is slowly but surely moving away from paper and towards digital text in their reading habits.

As we are looking at this week in The Lair, Angry Robot Books is tackling this changing business with excellent tales and innovative ideas, and their approach to short fiction is no different.

In December of 2010, Angry Robot debuted their short fiction store, where they have available Nano Editions: short fiction authored by novelists in the Angry Robot stable. There are currently 27 Nano Editions available which cross the entire spectrum of authors and genres in the Angry Robot catalog, providing a good way to explore a particular author in short form before trying out their book, or discovering new stories by an old favorite. The pricing scheme is very competitive at £0.59 apiece or 10 for £3.49, and all of the files are in unrestricted DRM-free ePub format, which the website provides helpful instructions on converting to reading on a Kindle if that is your gadget of choice.

As I’m still exploring many of the authors that call Angry Robot home, I decided to check out one of the Nano Editions by Guy Haley. Both stories were swift and thoroughly enjoyable reads, and I look forward to delving in to some of his longer work as a result.

• Man of Stone – A grizzled veteran of countless battles, embroiled in his last fight, stumbles across a god; neither are what they each expect the other to be, but both are what the other needs.
• Kasimir Larkin’s Final Sale – On a remote mining world, a shopkeeper’s daily routine is interrupted by what might very well be his second to last customer.

One thing that I would enjoy seeing them incorporate into the Nano Edition store is a feedback or rating system to help new customers overcome the potential intimidation of a long list of stories, and make a more informed selection if they are new to the authors involved. This aside, I think the way that Angry Robot is handling it’s short fiction is an excellent compliment to their novels and other offerings, and I have no hesitation in recommending you to check them out for a quick fiction fix.

In H.G. Wells’ The Time Machine, a man creates a device and travels to the future, where he finds that humanity has evolved into two different species: The peaceful Eloi and the brutish underground-dwelling Morlocks. He returns to his home in London of the late 1800′s and tells the tale to some good friends before leaving for the future one last time.

K.W. Jeter’s Morlock Night is the tale of one of the men who heard the scientist’s fabulous tale. On the walk back to his rooms, he is met by a pale man called Dr. Ambrose who poses the following question: “What would happen if the Morlocks that the scientist met were just the footsoliders, not the intelligent types that kept the underground machines running? And what would happen if they got a hold of the time machine?”

Before long, our protagonist finds himself embroiled in an adventure spanning time and space, where the Morlock’s of the future meet the mythology of the United Kingdom and the great mysteries of London herself.

Jeter’s tale is a good time. It written in a the style of Wells, and one could see this book being published as a serial, just as The Time Machine was. Each chapter is a cliffhanger, each stands alone in such a way that it is difficult to put the book down. The action pulls you forward, waiting to see what happens next.

It is not a complex book, and I mean that as no slight. What I mean is that, unlike other modern books which owe much to complex subplots and alternating chapters, Morlock Night is a straightforward adventure tale start to finish. It is an ideal read for those people with busy lives who want to relax at the end of a long day (which, incidentally, is exactly how I enjoyed the book).

There are surprises in the book. With the tropes of steampunk being somewhat predictable and almost codified these days, Jeter’s book is a breath of fresh air. The plot steers clear of many of the modern devices to embrace an almost 1960′s love of legend and mythology — there is poetry and magic in this book as well as steam and brass.

If you enjoyed Wells’ book, and would like to see what might have happened next, I highly recommend you grab a copy of Morlock Night. You will not be sorry.

It’s Angry Robot Week in the Secret Lair!

No…no…it’s not one of our experiments gone wrong. Angry Robot is a UK-based publisher of an eclectic range of books which hit all of our sweet spots: science fiction, fantasy, steampunk, horror…and every combination in between. We’ve been impressed with the work that they are doing to move the genre(s) forward, so we wanted to take a week and give you the skinny on their titles and news on their latest initiative, WorldBuilder.

To sweeten the pot, we’re also having the Angry Robot Haiku Contest! Win a bundle of five of Angry Robot’s latest titles, all for the low, low price of writing a haiku about…well…go check out the contest page for more details.

Stay tuned every day this week for news, reviews, and more!

The Hugo, CC BY-SA image from gruntzooki via Flickr

I attended the World Science Fiction Convention this past weekend, and had a delightful time. For those that have never been, Worldcon has a different vibe than more media-soaked, crowded affairs like San Diego Comic-Con or Dragon*Con. It was first held in 1939, which makes it the second oldest science fiction convention in the United States by most reckonings.¹ Founded originally as a venue for fans to meet with authors (who counted themselves as fans as well), Worldcon continues to remain primarily focused on science fiction in literature, as opposed to movies, computer games, or other media.

Given it’s storied history, Worldcon tends to have an older demographic than most other conventions. Over the last few years, I’ve been astounded by the observation that some members of that older group of fans, despite being interested in tales involving scientific advances and future technology, seem to be technophobic and to be actively against Shiny New Things. Now, this is an observation about a few individuals, and by no means is categorizing an entire group – many older fans listen to podcasts and are just as much into geeky tech as anyone else. However, this topic comes up enough in both formal and informal ways to be worthy of pondering.

The most formal setting that exposes this divide is the Hugo Awards. These are given out yearly at Worldcon, are voted on by fans who are members of World Science Fiction Society (WSFS),² and are considered to be the most noteworthy award for works of science fiction. While most categories pertain to word-based fiction³ or art, some have the capacity to include audio or video media, such as the Dramatic Presentation⁴ or Best Related Work categories. As I will visit below, there is currently a hefty debate among some as to where new forms of media, such as podcasts, fit into the Hugos in particular and fandom in general.

A couple of examples:

• Aversion of email and the Internet – I’ve met several older fans who don’t use email, and never go online. This seems to be more than just disinterest; those I’ve talked to about it are quite vitriolic when the topic comes up. One in particular is very explicit that the only way he will ever keep in touch with anyone is via postal mail, and does not now or will ever in the future own a computer. Of note, these people have all struck me as highly intelligent people who are very interested in both science fact and science fiction. The person previously mentioned was on a panel about the future of space exploration with the Moon Ranger at a con last year, and certainly displayed no technophobia when it came to that topic.

• Lack of acceptance of podcasted work- At both 2010’s NASFiC and the last two Worldcons, there has been a very clear bias against podcasts among some older fans. This usually comes from those who have been active in fanzines: publications created by fans that are unofficial, do not pay contributors, and are labors of love for those involved. Fanzines have been around approximately as long as conventions have, and historically have provided a way for fans to share their experiences and opinions when not at a convention. Although originally created with manual typewriters and mailed out to readers – and some still are, even here in 2011 – many modern ‘zines are created digitally and published online or as PDF documents.You may notice that my brief definition above can be equally applied to most podcasts. However, there is a vocal group of older fans who do not believe that fanzines and podcasts are equivalent. While it’s clear that the fannish content of both forms of expression is the same, it’s equally clear that those critical of podcasts-as-fan-publications view the art of fanzine creation as something more work intensive and more important to fandom – a contention which I think is completely unfounded. Said critics are most vocal when it comes to the official Fanzine category of the Hugos, which is currently described as follows:
  

  This is the other serial publication category. This Award is for anything that is neither professional nor semi-professional. The publication must also satisfy the rule of a minimum of 4 issues, at least one of which must have appeared in the year of eligibility.

  Interestingly, last year the audio podcast Starship Sofa made a bit of Hugo history by becoming the first podcast ever to win a Hugo, in the Fanzine category.⁵ This caused podcast critics to prompt WSFS to reconsider whether podcasts should be allowed to compete in the same category as fanzines, and it seems that there may be a Best Fancast trial category at next year’s Hugos as a result. A concern is that this might lead to all podcasts being ghettoized into a single, separate category as opposed to competing in appropriate categories based on content; I think there is some legitimacy to this concern, as those seeking to separate podcasts typically have not listened to any, aren’t interested in finding out more about them, and have made statements like “Are there even enough podcasts in existence to fill up a category?”

What I find strange is that I would expect all hardcore con-going fans of science fiction, not just the majority, to be positive about new technology and communication advances. I suspect the reason that some are not is due to how we socialize as humans. Back in the earlier days of conventions, the entire concept of fandom was a new phenomenon. People suddenly discovered that there were many more who shared their interests outside of the few that they might have known locally, and could be interacted with through fanzines and at conventions. Print media and fanzines became a cherished tradition that embodied the excitement of the discovery of a fan community, and so still remain very important to members of that group.

Some may see new communications methods, be they online or via podcast, as not being a part of their fan experience. As such, they may not want to actively engage in using those methods themselves. Moreso, since the Hugos represent an important part of their tradition as science fiction fans, they don’t recognize the Shiny New Things as being worthy of consideration in the same space as the traditional things that have close meaning to them. The fandom experience they discovered and fell in love with isn’t quite the same as the experience of those who have entered the community more recently, and as with all socially positive experiences, they don’t want that to change or go away. It’s just us being us. Even though the fan community is often notable for being more accepting than other groups of a various personalities and viewpoints, that doesn’t make parts of it immune from circling the wagons around the things they hold dear.

What’s the lesson here? A pragmatist might note that eventually, that segment of older fans will fade away, or be further diluted as new ones join every year. I would contend that there are two far better views to take. One is that for those of us involved in podcasting, writing, and other creative pursuits who also consider ourselves fans, we should be sure to be active in the WSFS and Worldcon – these are fan-run and democratic organizations, and if enough of us are involved, we can affect a more sensible integration of the Shiny New Things into the global fan experience. The second is to remember not to be critical of those who want to see their cherished traditions continue, because someday, that might be us. Many people have come to the fan community through podcasting or Internet media, and one day the next Shiny New Thing will come along and supercede it for the next generation.

The future is great, and it just keeps coming. Science fiction is both speculation on that and a celebration of it. As fans, we would do well to keep that in mind.

1. The oldest is Philcon, which was first convened in 1936, and is celebrating it’s 75th anniversary this year. [↩]
2. Anyone who is a member of Worldcon is automatically a member of WSFS. [↩]
3. Traditionally this means printed, although electronic publications are also included, such as websites or e-books. [↩]
4. Someone did state at a Worldcon meeting that the Dramatic Presentation categories should be discarded as Hugo categories, because only word-based fiction is, in their opinion, Hugo-worthy. Thankfully, this opinion does not seem to be widely shared. [↩]
5. It was nominated again this year, and came in second. [↩]

So here we are at last.

The final installment of building a raygun. I hope you’ve followed along, since by the shrieks coming from the Minister Lyn’s area you will probably need them sooner rather than later.

Last installment I talked about cycling LED lights that I picked up at JoAnn Fabrics. I posted an image, but it was a poor substitute for the actual versions of what I bought. After a bit of searching, I found the original packaging.

The round ones, I used whole in the power pack area. Every time you turn one of these on, it lights differently. It can light solid blue, green, or red, a a combination of two colors, or cycling between all three. For my purposes, I like the cycling version since it draws the eye. If you are being pursued by the Shetland-benobos though, you may want to set it to just one color.

The flat ones, I took apart. For this you’ll need a small flat head screwdriver or a very very small pry-bar. Make sure to save the enclosure and battery, since we’ll use those later. The LEDs from these are used in the back of the pistol, and you could use them in the slot at the top of the pistol if you wanted to. I actually ended up using a large bright blue LED, since my gun was flashing enough already.

At this point, you will want to paint the two halves of your pistol body. After this, you’ll have gewgaws and clear pieces of plexi that you don’t want painted. So primer the two halves with black. Wait. Then when it’s dry, paint over with the steampunk or dieselpunk color of your choice. I preferred a beaten brass look for my pistol.

Now, go ahead and take apart two of the flat BrightSPOT LED lights. Why two? Glad you asked. I lied to you earlier when I said I only needed on set of twisted pair wires going to the gun. I actually used both. One set is used for the light on the back of the gun, and the other for the LED to light up the plexiglass slot. Also, you’ll need the coin cell batteries that are in the two light enclosures.

Unfortunately, I don’t have any images of the wiring or inside of the raygun. Things were moving along so quickly that I forgot to take pictures of the build. So let me point out the bigger points of the build using the finished pictures.

First, the blue power stripe. This was achieved by removing the slide from the original Nerf Maverick. Where the rod that pulls back the spring would normally go there is a slot. I cut a piece of plexiglass down to size, and sanded the edges so that the light would diffract and scatter nicely. I also drilled a hole into the plexi so that the LED would fit inside it. I also sanded down the LED sides so that the light would spread through the plexi sheet.

Eventually, you will want to glue the sheet in place, but don’t do it until you are ready to put the pistol back together again. This is the time to wire it up and test your connections though. I would suggest soldering the wires for stability, though I didn’t in the interest of time. I used the Loctite glue on things here, since it doesn’t frost the plexi when it dries like superglue would.

In the image, you can see a green light at the back of the pistol. This is the rainbow LED from the brightSPOT, inserted into the jewelry piece I had purchased. Also in that piece is a slip of tracing paper to diffuse the light and make it look as if the light was filling the tube.

If you notice, there are wires that extend from the ends of the lighted tube and onto a brass knob. There is an identical setup on the other side. These are actually what carries current to the LED. Since it’s just battery power, no worries about getting electrocuted. I did this intentionally in case I wanted to attach more lights or other powered devices to the outside of the pistol.

In the shot of the back, you also have a good view of how the connector for the tubing goes into the back of the pistol. When you hold it, the tubing loops over the back of your hand and then snakes around your arm and into the powerpack at your belt. It’s quite a menacing look, I recommend going with it, even though it does add a bit of bulk. You could after all, make the pistol smaller by enclosing the batteries in the body of the pistol, but you won’t. Why? *zap! sizzle! fwoosh!* Because, this is steampunk, not Flash Gordon!

You probably want to see the power pack in action as well. Very well. Here is a shot of it. No video, so you only see the one color. Trust me when I say that the cycling colors make it look even better. You can see wire shadows in it currently, since I didn’t tuck them away for this shot. Normally, you’ll only see the color diffused throughout the whole cylinder.

So, you’ve got your electrical wired up, and tested. You did test it, right?

Oh dear, and those Shetland-benobos are sounding even louder. Ok, take it apart and test it again. Make sure all of your connections are solid. You don’t want your pistol flickering, or worse, not working when you need it, do you?

Screw the pistol together, and test the wiring again. It’s so easy for things to come loose at this stage. Once you know that your wires are good and stable, it’s time to break out the epoxy.

This part, you’ll want to have some extra bits of cardboard, paper, and other things that can be used to support the pistol. The stuff is pretty potent, so do this outdoors or in a well ventilated area where you can leave the pistol to dry. Ideally, I would have liked to construct an insert that would have fit with the Maveric and would socket to the ball of the plasma ball. I didn’t have time to sculpt and mold it though. So my version, if you look close enough, can be considered a bit messy. If you are that close though, chances are the barrel is up your nose and you aren’t long for this world. So it’s kind of a moot point.

Once the epoxy is dry, you can continue on to adding any other gewgaws or bits to your pistol. It’s nearly complete! A quick ink wash would make things look even nicer if you have the time and patience.

For the holsters, I ended up buying drill holsters from the local hardware store. They are made to fit extra wide things, so they fit perfectly. I don’t quite like the initials, or the more modern fabric, but you do what you can when on a budget.

I also got a plain, wide, leather utility belt to hold the two holsters and strapped the power packs onto it. Overall, it makes a nice rig. You really only need one pistol, since they pack quite the punch, but if you have the means, making two takes only a little bit longer for each step if you make them in tandem.

If anyone would like to donate to the Lair, and acquire one or both of these pistols, feel free to contact us. If there is interest, I would be willing to make more on commission, for the right price.

I picked up The Art of Manliness for two reasons: the first is that I’m researching etiquette for a novel and the second is that I was curious to know just what modern day folks think it means to be “A Man.” In this age where men’s and women’s roles are profoundly changed from what our grandparents and great-grandparents would have recognized, which things still hold true and which need to be chucked by the wayside? Let’s face it, classic manliness is an endangered species right now, and rudeness runs rampant as people fire up cellphones in restaraunts or check their email in the middle of a one-on-one conversation. Yet, somehow, we blithely accept this as some sort of new norm, when in reality we should be demanding better from ourselves and our peers. How should the modern gentleman behave?

This book was surprisingly good. I was unsure what to expect from a book claiming to impart All Things Manly, but at the end, I found myself not only agreeing with the authors, but learning a few things as well. Its companion website is chock-full of all manner of advice to take you beyond the pages and into real life. 

The main thrust of the book is to look at the character and skills of “manly” men from the past (specifically focusing on the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries) and impart what sorts of things we can do today to emulate those qualities. This runs from fatherhood to being a leader to core values to etiquette. Highlighted are the principle that Benjamin Franklin strove to perfect in himself, as well as Theodore Roosevelt’s own point of view on industriousness and what it means to live a full life.

At first, the tone of the writing feels a bit tongue-in-cheek, and it would be easy to mistake this for some sort of ironic jab at bygone ideals long since faded. Once one moves beyond the introduction, one can see just how the topics are covered in earnest, with real detail, allowing for practical use.

This is not a selection of moral tales or any sort of religious or political guide. This is more about what the world used to expect from a gentleman, and how we can translate that into making ourselves more like that ideal today. In a world where we are growing manchildren on gaming systems and computers like fungi in their mother’s basements, this book is a welcome breath of fresh air.

I did not attend Renovation (Worldcon) this year. In fact, I’ve never been to a Worldcon, despite Dr. Cmar telling me what a wonderful event it is. Money, blah, family commitments, blah, work, blah blah blah; all the usual excuses surface and I sit watching the tweetstream with all the other folks who wished they’d gone.

(Does anyone else think that nothing fosters deep-seated envy like watching your friends Tweet their delight while you sit in your home, nursing a Jameson’s and folding laundry? Not that I’d know, of course. Nope. Nuh-uh.)

One of the things I have always wanted to see is the presentation of the Hugo Awards. For years, the Hugos have informed the to-be-read pile of books on my nightstand. Even as I have become bitter and jaded, utterly disappointed in the vast majority of what publishers are churning out of their sausage factories, the Hugos have been a beacon of quality. For that, I am eternally grateful.

This year, the Hugos were streamed live on UStream and I finally had the chance to watch as the awards were presented. I was excited, tuning in on my laptop, watching the geek and adorably lame banter between the hosts, sharing in the delight of the award winners. Watching Chris Garcia cry with joy as he received the Hugo for Best Fanzine alone was worth it. To a person, you could see the love all of the award winners have for this community, the tight-knit bonds of friendship between authors and artists. 

Delight. Wonder. Joy. Love. It was amazing to see. 

As I watched…I had one unsettling realization, one that is not uncommon when a person hits their fortieth birthday, as I had this past year. In my mind, the winners of Hugos were always substantially older than I was. When I see “Hugo,” I am instantly transported back to when I was twelve years old, when the winners were all masters, far outpacing me in age, wisdom, and skill. This year, watching, I realized that some of these folks were my age or younger. Seeing them, my blood ran a bit cold. 

There is an old joke/maxim that says that one of the major turning points in a man’s life is when he realizes that he is older than the current  Playboy centerfold. I felt shades of that watching these folks who had, somehow, amdist having real lives and careers somehow managed to string words together in ways that other people appreciated enough to givie them an award for it. Two thoughts occurred to me; 1) When did that star-struck twelve year old wannabe writer become a forty-year-old stick in the mud? and 2) What am I waiting for?

Those thoughts made me realize my problem; the fear of starting. The fear of being crap, the fear of not knowing how to begin, how to persevere, how to finish, how to market the finished work. To invoke a bit of Joseph Campbell, I fear setting off the well-worn road of suburban life and career ennui to forge my own path that would be more fulfilling but economically less stable. How stupid. How cowardly. How utterly practical, and how utterly disappointing.

All too often, I believe we fail to achieve goals because of “Real Life.” We “grow up” and put our dreams on a shelf, and it takes a shock to remind us  of that wonder we felt, that delight a well-formed story can give us, the joy of sharing that wonder and delight others, and the love we have for big ideas that transport us elsewhere. The realization that “Real Life” is what we make of it is one that opens doors, not one that places your livelihood or your family in jeaopardy. 

I’m grateful for the wake up call. I can feel that twelve-year-old’s wonder and delight starting to stir in my chest. I can set the “mature” jaded thoughts aside and embrace the joy and love of the genre, the people, the ideas, the words.

I have work to do. How about you?