The Secret Lair

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So recently, the 27th of September, I had a… significant, yes, that’s a good word. I had a significant birthday. It prompted me to write the new shiny once the shine has worn off article, and got me thinking on other things as well. Like what I am about to talk to you about.

As you might have guessed, this article is on getting things done. Why this article? Well, I have always been self motivating, to a point. It’s that point that has been the sticking point. At that point, I either get distracted, get bored, or any number of other things that causes me to put what I am working on aside, and focus my attentions on other things.

I know many people who are like this. When the going gets tough, or boring, or something new and shiny is over there, they leave what they are doing, tools on the workbench, wood clamped in the vise, and go do something else. Sometimes they come back to finish, but often they don’t.

So, knowing that I am like this, and that others are, I thought it would be good to talk about how to actually get your stuff done.

Nothing here is amazing. It’s all common sense. Perhaps though, something here will stick with you, that you can use as a tool to get you moving again on the project you are on so that you can *finish it*. Whatever it may be.

1. Cut out distractions.

Overlord Miller in a past podcast (the one talking about Robert Downey Jr. and Iron Man 2), said that he found out during his latest move that he was most productive when everything from his desk was packed away in boxes. He couldn’t touch anything, be distracted by books or toys, that it was just bare desk to look at when he wasn’t looking at the screen and writing.

Distractions are something that kills projects. It gets you thinking about things that *aren’t the project*. That is death to a project, or at least slows it down.

I know I am guilty of this, which is why I am writing this in a room with very very few distractions.

2. When the going gets boring… find something interesting in the project to work on.

This is of course, is a killer. If you are bored with your work, even the length of your fingernails and cutting them becomes a distraction. So things on your desk or in your life, are easy ways to get pulled off of your project.

So, in addition to #1, try and find something that interests you about the project you are doing. Perhaps something that used to interest you but you haven’t worked on that part in a while. Take another look at the project and try to find some aspect of it that you want to work on and polish. Don’t get too bogged in the details or distracted by the shiny (See #3). If you can interest yourself again, it’s a good bet that you will continue to work on it.

It’s also good to intersperse the boring things with the fun things. This isn’t always possible, but try to minimize the length of time you spend on boring, getting them done quickly, so you can get back to kicking ass and doing fun stuff.

3. Don’t distract yourself.

What does this mean? This is the part where your attention wavers, and you invent things that take you off task. If you’re a writer, it’s looking at the cool new laptops, tablets, or writing tools. Perhaps perusing a forum on writing or Twitter with your writing group. If you code, it’s looking at new IDEs, or new version control methods, figuring out how to install the latest OS on your rooted phone.

When you are working on something, ask yourself. “Is this thing going to help me accomplish what I want to do? Does Scrivener for Windows help me get things done, or should I stay with yWriter and text editors to edit my novel. (Personal answer: Nope, just a way for me to avoid editing.) Is that portable Bluetooth keyboard going to help me write or code more? (Personal answer: Yes, I am writing on it and my Xoom tablet right now.)

If you can make yourself stop, just for a moment, and analyze if the thing you are doing is helping you get to your goal, then that is usually enough to put you back on track.

4. Put your butt in the chair and do it!

The inevitable. Your own willpower. You need to grow it, nurture it, and above all just do the damn thing you want to get done. Writing doesn’t magically appear if you are just reading self help writing books. Code doesn’t write itself into a cool app if you are looking at new coding tools and not actually using them.

Putting the butt in the chair, cutting out distractions, focusing on your project, and not falling into a niche that doesn’t help the project are the things you need to keep in mind so you actually get your project done.

If you’ve made it this far, kudos to you! Also, shut this distraction down and go do that thing you were supposed to be doing! We love you here, but we want you making things, producing things, being our minions.

If this helped at all, and you actually get things done, take a picture of it and send it to us. At least just post about it in the comments.

For me, it’s back to editing, because that’s what I want to get done.

Now where’s my coffee?

As with many of us, one of the staples of my youthful Saturday mornings was Looney Tunes. There is a wonderful magic about them, especially the episodes from the 1960-1980′s, that has been a challenging thing for the various modern incarnations to consistently capture. Not having children myself and being busy with Bad Doctorly things, I was unaware that the latest version is The Looney Tunes Show, that started airing on Cartoon Network back in May.

On most of the episodes, they have original song and music videos called Merrie Melodies, hearkening back to the music-based animated sister series of Looney Tunes. Thus far, these have hit a wide ranges of musical genres, including pop, country, and rap-rock.

So, why is this something that has suddenly appeared on my radar? Because the latest video is, simply put, a mindbending mashup of awesome: we discover that Daffy Duck’s inner monologue on his mundane existence is a hilarious power metal-fueled landscape of wizardly magic, buxom anime babes, and personal might that epitomizes daydreams that more than a few geeks can empathize with.

Behold!

As part of our training curriculum for minions learning the fine art of extracting information, we adopted the use of the ten questions made famous first by Bernard Pivot, then by James Lipton on Inside the Actor’s Studio. 

Today we bring you a transcript of Minion #15367′s training session.

File #0001: Comrade Cockroach

Пойдите In your tongue, is “go.” The Cockroach is man of action, you know? Go, go, go, you know? I do not sit around and wait. No good at a being couch potato. If there were sitting contest, The Cockroach would lose. To anyone. Is true! I go. I hear word, I go.

I have friend, Major Ursa. Is bear of a man, yes? I mean, is bear, is man, splat! Combined. Bear-man, you know? And he, he is excellent fighter, excellent soldier. But does not go. Does not go. Was always with book, with newspaper, with television. When word came, would go, but not fast. Would prefer to stay, to read.

Ursa sells the real estate, now. Is good fit. Always loved houses, Major Ursa did.

You may have guessed, eh? Is “wait.” I have friends, good friends, who wait, who plan. Dr. Mercury, you know her? She plans. She will wait for right moment. She can wait the way I will not. Cannot.

To me, to wait, is death. No, is worse than death. Is death without the ending, the stop. Is death without grace.

What turns you on?

This is going to sound all bragging, but is not. Is true. The Cockroach likes a sturdy woman, you know? Not a fragile girl. Is not bragging! Is not! Has nothing to do with bedroom. That something…that something else.

The Cockroach leads a life, well, is hard, this life. Is not for all women. I realize this. Is bloody, is bloody on hands. Fragile girls, they…it varies, you know? But in end, there is always the running and the screaming. It does not matter how you begin, if there are lies, or truths or nothing. Even if we begin in silence, once the blood is seen, the end is clear.

Too clear.

Women who cannot handle…well, I do not handle them, is all. Sturdy women. That is what I like. Yes.

What turns you off?

If I to be honest, is name. “Comrade Cockroach.” Sound silly, now. When I used it the first of times, was cool. So I thought. But now? Is no cool. Is silly.

Is why I tell the women “Call me Lenin.” Is name, is good name, To hear “Comrade Cockroach” in the rough and the tumble of the bedroom, is no good. Not for, you know, performance. No good.

When you kill a man with a knife, there is noise–I do not expect you to know this, you are blameless, but there is noise. It is soft noise, so soft, no much more than a gasp. But is gasp cut short, you know? Severed. Quick. Were I a faith-fearing man, I would say sound is soul escaping from body, flying up to final reward. But I have seen too much. I know what sound is, truly. Sound is victim about to protest that his life is going, but it is gone before he can say one word.

Is beautiful, this noise.

You miss this sound with gun. There is too much…with the bang-bang, you are, you know, distracted. But when you are close, and there is only the silence of knives, and this sound, this is all you hear.

After Vanguard Program decide it no longer want the Cockroach, they turn to new project. This new project is not like me, is not special man. Is special suit. Suit is all metal, is armor, you know? Flies around on the jet boots, vroooooom. Is called C.O.S.S.A.C.K.¹ Vanguard Program, they love C.O.S.S.A.C.K. It man in suit. Man dies, then new man wears suit. Who knows? Not Russian people. They love C.O.S.S.A.C.K. Do they know is never same man in suit? No. Do they care? No.

You think, with all this love, this attention, C.O.S.S.A.C.K. has done something great. No. Is no true. C.O.S.S.A.C.K. has killed Bold Eagle as many time as the Cockroach has. Which is zero. But who gets parades, toys, show on the television? Is not the Cockroach.

I hate the theme song to the C.O.S.S.A.C.K. show on the television. Is played everywhere. Is stupid song for stupid suit.

Curses for men who do not know discipline. Words…words  worth so much, you know? Words are for heart. Curses, curses are not for heart. Curses come from belly. Men who do not know discipline, they speak from belly. Belly leads them through life.

Is not so with the Cockroach. The Cockroach only speaks from heart

There is show, on the television. Is about man, in blue box? Goes around with the vroop vroop, yes? Always fighting the monsters in the time and the space?

What is that job? Because the Cockroach would like to have it.

Seliing the real estate. Is no for me. I have seen, seen it done. Is no for me.

Heaven does not exist. This, I know. But, we will play your little game. If Heaven exists. Okay. If Heaven exists.

If Heaven exists…it would not matter. I would not see it. To go to heaven, one must die, yes? That is requirement? Die, go to Heaven. Well, then. There is your answer. One must die to go to Heaven. And the Cockroach does not die.

Session Notes

Comrade Cockroach is the creation of Jared Axelrod. 

Jared  is an author, an illustrator, a graphic designer, a sculptor, a costume designer, a podcaster and quite a few other things that he’s lost track of but will no doubt remember when the situation calls for it.

He is a founding member of the daily flash-fiction website 365 TOMORROWS, and the writer and producer of two science-fiction podcasts, “The Voice Of Free Planet X” and the serial “Aliens You Will Meet.

He is not domestic, he is a luxury, and in that sense, necessary.

Learn more about him at jaredaxelrod.com, and listen to his most recent work, Fables of the Flying City at fablesoftheflyingcity.com.

1. Cybernetic Operating System for Surveillance, Aerial Combat and Killing [↩]

It’s Monday. Who wants to work? Have fun captioning this photo instead.

CC BY-NC image from leshoward via Flickr

Talk like a pirate?
A more impressive challenge:
Walk like a pirate

CC BY-NC-ND image from gadgetgirl via Flickr

Sail the ocean blue
No GPS as a guide
Just sun, moon and stars

CC BY image from celebdu via Flickr

Starving for fresh fruit
Scurvy fatigues, rots the gums
Spoiled meager stores

CC BY-NC-ND image from twelves via Flickr

Raiding by surprise
Cruelty, debauchery
The pox inflames below

CC BY-ND image from vladeb via Flickr

On second thought, no
Keelhaul that whole idea
I’ll stick with “Aye, Yar!”

CC BY-NC-ND image from Vanessa Pike-Russell via Flickr

…..

The above haiku collection is a part of a series of short fiction by John Cmar inspired by randomly discovered Creative Commons licensed images, and is itself licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

Tablets, smartphones, gewgaws!

They’re the new shiny, the must have, the new toy. I get caught up with the new technology, just like many of us out there. In fact, I am writing this post on a Motorola Xoom tablet. Many of my friends and colleagues have the new shiny, tablets, a smartphone, etc. Laptops and net books are replaced by the newer and the smaller.

Why do most of the people who have these not want them anymore?

I work as a mobile and rich internet application developer. I work with the new shiny all the time. It’s a fun job, filled with changes. At the same time, the people who I have worked with, and friends in related industries, want to get out of it. They want to stop coding. They want to disconnect from the net. They want to have less technology.

Why is that?

For some it’s burnout. They’ve been pushed to code to hard and too long. For others, I don’t know. I’ve even felt the siren’s call of a quiet house, a place in the country or at least away from technology for a while.

Is it about the distractions? Is it about the insistent and instant way people can interrupt when they want to communicate with you? Is it the need for a physical presence of other people, which is lacking when talking on the ‘net?

Is it age, or is it just me?

Don’t get me wrong. I love the technology. Living in the proto Star Trek age with Picard’s tablet in my hands. I love that the tech is promoting change in politics around the world. (Hopefully for the better of all.) I look forward to the future.

Things just seem out of balance. Perhaps science is just beyond where we can fully grasp it’s implications. Maybe the Singularity is here, but we can’t quite see it.

Not everyone has this same malaise that many around me seem to have. It’s possible it’s a combination of age and who I hang out with. I’d like to know though, what is it?

Why does the new shiny not seem as shiny to me anymore?

The zombie apocalypse.  Many have written about it, visualized it, studied it, but only the mind of J.R. Blackwell could create a live game pitting live humans against zombies in real life settings. Listen now to Overlord Miller’s interrogation of  the lovely Ms. Blackwell about her new game, the mechanics within, and the Kickstarter project to get it all started. The Secret Lair presents: Shelter In Place.

Related articles

• J.R. Blackwell – Bringing Zombies to the Masses (blogher.com)

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 20:28 — 18.7MB)

If you’ve been following the wanderings of Jonathan Coulton this year, you know he had teased his live audiences with, at the time unreleased, new song goodness. Officially, as of Dragon*Con (and unofficially, as of PAX), his shiny new album,¹ Artificial Heart,² has been released to the wilds.

I have to admit, first impressions of this collection were somewhat underwhelming, with the exception of a few songs. Before the geeky masses descend upon me like a swarm of rabid antlions, I would like to add that after listening to it for three weeks now, it has grown on me. A lot.

Here’s the thing; if you are expecting this album to be chalk full of nerdy references a la zombies, sad vampires, and cephalopods, that is not exactly how this collection of music plays out. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a fantastic set and has its fair share of geeky niche genre themed songs such as both “Still Alive” and “Want You Gone” in addition to an ode to the mustache, “The Stache“. However, as any hardcore JoCo fan knows, that is just a piece³ of Coulton’s song base.

I think what threw me at the first impression stage was the weight of the sad songs. JoCo writes sad songs? Yeah, I know big shocker, eh? The sad songs were so foremost in my head after the first few listens, that I had convinced myself that the album was a bit of a downer. In truth, the majority of the songs are interesting, beautiful, and entertaining. I blame “Nobody Loves You Like Me” for being so heavy it sticks to your heart and makes you want to give someone a hug. Heavy, man, heavy.

This version of “Still Alive” has quickly become my favorite rendition. There’s a brilliant and creepy theremin opening and the non-GLaDOSified vocals of Ellen McLain are gorgeous with Jonathan’s subtle background accompaniment. It warms the companion cube portions of my heart to no end, especially with the inclusion of “Want You Gone.”

“Down Today“, from the very first listen, is my all time favorite song of the album. It’s a cute and happy little piece even if it seems to be about a breakup while riding a balloon.⁴ A great song to listen to on repeat. Also, +10 ukulele bonus!

As for my other favorites, the lyrics in “Fraud” are mysterious and interesting and it makes me want to know more about this so called angel. It reminds me of a lost Doctor Who episode that I desperately wish existed. “Je Suis Rick Springfield” is a fun song about a dude at a bar trying to convince people he’s Rick Springfield and it’s entirely in French, which makes it even more amusing. “Sucker Punch” is fun, pop-tastic, and best listened at high volume in the car with the windows rolled down. “Good Morning Tucson” is an upbeat piece about a morning show personally with more than just a bit of the crazy. The rest of the songs are excellent in their own way.⁵

In short, Artificial Heart is a solid album and is definitely quintessential Coulton, even if it may take a few listens to fully appreciate its content and musical quality.

If you fancy getting your own fancy pants copy of the album, there are a few extra fancy packages for all your⁶ Artificial Heart needs available for a limited time at the official purchasing area.

1. Oh yeah, new album smell. [↩]
2. Now with human drummers! [↩]
3. A monkey shaped piece, at that. [↩]
4. I like to imagine it as a cute little airship like the one in The Mummy Returns. [↩]
5. Yes, even the sad ones. [↩]
6. Fanciest! [↩]