The Secret Lair

CC BY 2.0 image by epSos.de via Flickr

Yesterday, the World Health Organization caused more than a bit of a stir by declaring that mobile phones are a possible cause of cancer. My own reaction was one of pained disappointment at the news. Whenever any organization makes an announcement like this that is based on dubious medical evidence, especially when filtered through a credulous media to a public that may not be grounded in the basic facts, it causes unnecessary worry that can be a challenge for physicians and scientists to deal with.

Let’s take a closer look at the announcement itself, what it’s based on, and what it means.

Who said it? – The declaration came from the International Agency for Research on Cancer, which is a component of the World Health Organization. This seems to represent the final word from the WHO on the matter, as there is no “higher up” body in the organization that needs to approve or finalize this decision.

What did they say? – The WHO/IARC put out a press release dated May 31, 2011 that classifies radiofrequency electromagnetic fields as being possibly carcinogenic to humans. This was based on the conclusions of a working group of 31 scientists from 14 countries that met to review and discuss the studies involved. The declaration seems to apply to all such energy fields, although the studies they considered were those looking specifically at wireless phone use. They concluded, as one might expect, that more studies are needed in the future, and made the suggestion that people should make use of “hands-free devices or texting”.

What does that mean? – The IARC categorizes agents and exposures into several categories, based on their level of carcinogenic risk. These are:

• Group 1: carcinogenic to humans
• Group 2A: probably carcinogenic to humans
• Group 2B: possibly carcinogenic to humans
• Group 3: not classifiable as to carcinogenicity in humans
• Group 4: probably not carcinogenic to humans

Radiofrequency electromagnetic fields are now classified in group 2B. For the sake of some odd context, other common things classified in group 2B as having possible carcinogenic risk include:

• coffee
• pickled vegetables
• zidovudine (a medication to treat HIV infection)
• metronidazole (a commonly used antibiotic)
• lead
• phenytoin (an older but still frequently used medication for seizures)
• carpentry and dry cleaning (as occupational hazards)
• progestins (a hormone used for many things, including oral contraception)

This is an interesting partial list to me, as it contains exposures that as a physician, I would rarely, if ever, take into consideration when counseling someone about diet or a particular medicine. In the case of the medications above, the associations are just so weak or rare that it doesn’t enter into my decision making process for using them in treatment. That’s why I find the WHO’s suggestion to avoid standard phone use to be strange – based on the level of evidence and classification, this seems to be quite a conservative, if not mostly fear-based, comment.

What do the studies say? – This post contains an excellent summary of the studies involved. Suffice it to say that most do not demonstrate any increased cancer risk with mobile phone use. Those that seem to show some risk are in the minority, most of which come from a single research group, which could indicate a persistent methodologically flaw or bias on their part.

The press release notes that one study found a 40% increase in gliomas (a specific type of brain cancer) in what they called the highest category of heavy mobile phone users, namely those who were on the phone for 30 minutes a day for 10 years. This seems impressive, and is the only hard data point in the press release, which they did not give a citation for. I tracked this down to be from a study last year called INTERPHONE, which overall showed no increased cancer risk; the 40% figure is taken from a subgroup analysis, meaning that statistics were done on a small subset of people in the study, which is technique that significant conclusions should never be drawn from due to statistical vaguery. Presenting this single, cherry-picked piece of data in the press release strikes me as quite disingenuous on the part of it’s author(s).

Is it scientifically plausible? – Apart from the lack of study evidence for increased brain cancer risk, one must consider whether or not it is even scientifically plausible that the radiofrequency electromagnetic waves generated by a mobile phone could cause such a phenomenon. This seems to be a biological impossibility, based on what we know to date. The microwave radiation generated is extremely low in energy, even compared to everyday biological processes, and is unable to cause DNA damage. Any heat energy produced wouldn’t eclipse typical environmental exposures – a period of exposure to warm sunlight, or the typical circadian body temperature variations we experience during the course of a day – and so would have no physiological effect.

What do I think? – “Cancer” consists of a complex spectrum of disorders that are very different from each other, and have different triggers and mechanisms that go beyond mere DNA damage as an instigating factor. It is also possible that mobile phones may have some unelucidated long-term carcinogenic effect on the human brain. All that noted, the idea that radiofrequency electromagnetic waves can cause cancer is biologically implausible, and the vast majority of studies have demonstrated no correlation between phone use and cancer incidence. It is far more likely that natural variance in applying statistics to medical studies, or other non-phone related factors, could be at play in any positive results seen.

Conclusion – The WHO/IARC has promised a more detailed summary of their findings in the July 1 issue of The Lancet Oncology, and that the article in question will be available in a few days online ahead of print. Hopefully this will give a better insight into their interpretation of the data and their thought process. However, unless they reveal some sort of excellent previously unpublished data, which is spectacularly doubtful, I suspect I will remain boggled at their recommendation. It may be that their agenda in this declaration is to spur further study, to sate pressure from special interest groups, or merely a bad choice in an attempt to do the right thing for public health, and I hope to get some hint of that as well.

In any case, we can rest assured that the biggest medical risk from phone use is talking or texting while driving, and not phantom brain tumors – and that’s something we can easily do something about.

I, like other Overlords here in the Lair, have personal minions of my own, a.k.a. children. The eldest, 18, is, well… that’s for another day.¹ The middling, at 13, is something of a Zen Master and thwarts our current understanding of genetics and nature v. nurture.

But the youngest, imported from China in 2005, is my last, best hope for becoming an Overlord.²

A glimpse of our future.

Being on her good side, I don’t much fear her wrath, at least beyond what I already experience from the tirades common to most any six-year-old with mild attachment disorder and a swift right hook. But oh yes, the seed of World Domination is there. I wonder, though, how best to raise her to be a quality Overlord. Being a g33kdad, I’m already well into the process of feeding her personal inner geek. The Dark Crystal? Check. Labyrinth? Check. Steady diet of science shows? Check. Doing physics experiments around the house? Check.

I find myself debating, however, what may be appropriate when. I was raised in a different time, when parents, for lack of babysitter, would take their kids to see movies like The Blues Brothers without blinking.³ Someone would get strung up in the streets for doing such things these days. Point being, it’s sometimes hard to judge what a child may be ready for without permanently scarring them. For instance, we tried out The Goonies at one point, and realized the ‘PG’ meant something completely different back in 1985.

While I itch to watch things like the Lord of the Rings with my youngest, she’s not even close to ready for such things, both time-wise and intensity-wise. I find myself wishing there were some sort of guide to geekery that one could apply to one’s children.

I’d be interested to hear what you, the common rabble, use as a yardstick for underling exposure to things geeky. Preferably in a catalogued list. Proceed.

1. I don’t want to use the phrase ‘failed experiment’, but… [↩]
2. Overlady? [↩]
3. True story. Ah, the mysterious 70s. [↩]

This is why well-known people should be very afraid of their fans. I think I met these two at a con some years ago…

Watch out, world. I’m going to try my hand at gardening.

Yes, please…doubt me. I do. I have been staring at the timber box filled with soil that the previous owners left all winter, wondering just what the hell I’m going to do with it.  For them, it was a garden,. For me…well…it’s a box of dirt.

Unless. Unless I get some skin in the game. Unless I start to try to grow food.

This seems like something you should prepare for with schooling and hands-on training. After all…this is food…people will need to eat this stuff. It seems irresponsible in the extreme to let anyone who wants to pick up a hoe and start planting seeds¹.

And yet…it taunts me, this box of dirt. It challenges my manhood. It stands as a very concrete reminder that I have always wanted to try to Grow Things, and I have never done so. That’s about to change.

I have purchased a book. It has all sorts of full color pictures and maps and graphs and tables. This ensures my success. Armed with this book, a sturdy set of implements means for tilling the soil, and a handful of seed, I will coax life itself from my backyard this spring. This summer, we will enjoy the fruit of my labors, in the form of ripe, red tomatoes, green beans, peppers, and lettuce. Vegetables will burst forth from the earth at my touch and there will be great joy.

I’m ready. I’m willing. I’m convinced that I’m able.

Now, if only the snow would melt. Back to the books.

1. Get your mind out of the gutter. C’mon, people. [↩]

There are bad guys and then there are bad guys. In fiction, the villains we love to hate (Cigarette Smoking Man, Magneto, Hannibal Lecter, Darth Vader) help keep the story interesting and engaging. A well-crafted villain keeps us coming back for more because he or she is a good match for the hero(es). Every once in a while, though, we encounter a bad guy that crosses one line or another and we just want them to die. We hate them so much that no other fate will be satisfactory; they must get their comeuppance in the most horrible, painful and fatal manner possible. Redemption? No thanks. Returning in the sequel? Don’t even think about it. Eaten by a shark, run over by a train, squashed by a woolly mammoth or sucked into the cold, unforgiving vacuum of space? Yes, please! Death isn’t too good for these fictional jackholes; it’s just right.

Here is a handful of such characters, none of whom have (yet) received their just deserts.

• Dolores Umbridge (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix) — The Ministry of Magic High Inquisitor who taught Defense Against the Dark Arts in Harry Potter’s fifth year at Hogwarts is vile from head to toe: not only does she abuse her position to impose draconian rules on the students, she is willfully ignorant in regards to the return of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to the point that she submits The Boy Who Lived to some truly cruel and unusual punishments. Umbridge’s only redeeming quality is that her sheer vileness inspires Fred and George Weasley to revolt by means of some truly brilliant pranks. Dolores Umbridge eventually receives her comeuppance, earning a sentence in the wizard prison, Azkaban, which some might consider a fate worse than death.
• Joffrey Baratheon (A Song of Ice and Fire)  — Never mind that he is an illegitimate heir to the Iron Throne of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros, the product of the queen’s incestuous relationship with her twin brother; Joff could hardly be blamed for what his mother and uncle were up to behind King Robert Baratheon’s back. And if the Prince is somewhat spoiled, well, that’s largely his mother’s doing, too—though, as role models go, his “father” the king left much to be desired. Joffrey has many qualities one might expect in a spoiled, adolescent boy: he is self-indulgent, quick-tempered, mean-spirited and his pride is easily bruised. One quality Joffrey does not possess is self-restraint, and after the untimely death of his “father,” the young monarch finds that—unlike most boys his age—he has the power to see his every sadistic whim become a reality and is not at all sparing in its exercise. Author George R. R. Martin is currently writing the fifth book (of seven) of A Song of Ice and Fire, so Joffrey’s uppance may still be some time in coming.
• George Hearst (Deadwood) — George Hearst is not a fictional character, but he’s included here because the HBO series Deadwood is known to have taken certain liberties where matters of historical accuracy are concerned. Hearst was portrayed (by Gerald McRaney) as a repulsive sociopath for whom nothing—not even cold-blooded murder—is out of bounds when it comes to satisfying his bottomless greed. As casino-owner and former Hearst-confederate Cy Tolliver (Powers Boothe) watches a triumphant Hearst ride out of Deadwood at the end of the series—having fixed the local election for sheriff and successfully acquired a lucrative mine by way of murder and intimidation—the sense of impotent rage is palpable; the smirking bastard is leaving a swath of destruction in his wake and as much as Tolliver—gun in hand—wants to pull the trigger and wipe the smile off Hearst’s face with brutal finality, there’s nothing he can do.
• The Joker (Batman) — Since the early 1970s, the Clown Prince of Crime has been on a decades-long killing spree that has claims hundreds (if not thousands) of lives, interrupted only briefly by occasional (and always temporary) incarceration in Arkham Asylum. Escaping from that institution is roughly as routine as walking out to the curb to retrieve the Sunday paper; as Forrest Gump might say, “And then I escaped from Arkham Asylum…again.” The Batman consistently refuses to kill The Joker on the grounds that he would (a) become just as bad as the criminal and (b) it’s exactly what The Joker wants him to do. Were Arkham Asylum anything resembling an effective means to separate The Joker from the rest of humanity one might forgive the former reason; the latter—being an unwillingness to allow The Joker to “win”—is just sheer hubris on The Batman’s part.

This morning, in chat:

Hello everyone, I’d like to know if anyone has a recommendation about a good town or city for me to get work as a stripper. I recently lost my waitress job and I am willing to basically move anywhere if there is an opportunity there for me to make some good money. I danced at a gentlemans club here in Sacramento for a few weeks. I am 25 years old and have a really tight body. Anyone have any suggestions about a new city with good strip clubs to work at?

- Anonymous Spam Left in Our Comments Last Week

Dear Stripper-Wannabe,

First off, we want to thank you for getting in touch with us with your job query. While we’ve had a number of minions interested in stripping, it is usually from the more passive side of the lap, as opposed to the one doing the dancing. It’s refreshing to find a young person taking their career options seriously in this day and age, when goldfarming in World of Warcraft is just as lucrative as working down the street in the local opium den. A tip of the Overlords’ hat to you, young lady!

Secondly, as Overlord Miller learned during his time in California, the cost of living is staggering there. We suggest looking at Cleveland or Pittsburgh as possible alternatives for your job search. The reasons, you’ll find, are compelling:

• The cost of living in either of these cities is extremely reasonable. Consider your earning potential. You are, if we may say so, a novice in the Art, and as such you would not make as much as a real pro. Selling lapdances is not that different than selling cars, real esate, or clothing. A good stripper treats stripping like a business, they are able to gain rapport with the customer, close a sale, upsell, and then maintain an active customer base for repeat business. If dances are $20 a song, you only have to sell 5 dances an hour to make $100/hour. Then subtract the associated fees the club charges in order to work (house fee, dj fee, housemom fee, security fee). You’ll get more bang for your buck in a midwestern cities where apartments and housing is much cheaper. In fact, according to Bestplaces.net, Cleveland’s cost of living is 29% less than Sacramento, and housing is 73% less on the North Coast than in sunny California. One cannot underestimate the power of your dollar going farther in the midwest.
• The midwestern mindset is unprepared for, as you say, “really tight” bodies. We’re a stolid and stocky folk, packing on a few extra pounds to deal with emergency weather conditions, braving a tailgate party at the Muny parking lot on the lake on a Sunday afternoon, and, as Sir Mix-A-Lot once aptly put, unless one has much back, the anaconda don’t want none, hun. Romantic sentimentality nonwithstanding, a young lady with a firmness in breast and buttock would surely gather attention worthy of monetary recompense in small bills.  We’re not jaded like many of those on the West Coast who take such sights for granted…men in the midwest will stare slackjawed; at least until their wives kick them.
• The competition is…well…hardly fierce. Vis a vis this performance from the Adult Entertainment Expo held at the county fairgrounds last June:

Finally, when you tire of selling tantalizing views of your flesh for crisp currency, they have an excellent ninja-assassin training program you’d be well-suited for after years of pole dancing. Your flexibility and acrobatic skills would not be lost, and you’ll find The Secret Lair’s profit sharing program to be quite generous.

We hope this helps you with your decision, and we wish you all the best in future endeavours…

Sincerely,

The Overlords.

In this episode of The Secret Lair, we’re joined by hacktivist and digital culture commentator Thomas “cmdln” Gideon and a bit later in the episode by author and DIY enthusiast Matthew Wayne Selznick (Brave Men Run). The topic is one near and dear to our hearts: free content. This time out, we’re looking at free content from the perspective of the podcast novelist, and we begin our discussion with the announcement that J.C. Hutchins, one of the most popular podcast novelists, will no longer be offering new content for free.

Discussion: Free Content vs. Paying the Creator

• Our discussion was prompted by a blog post from novelist J.C. Hutchins, author of 7th Son: Descent and Personal Effects: Dark Art.
• Podiobooks.com is home to a wide array of free podcast novels, including the entire 7th Son series.
• Dave Slusher at Evil Genius Chronicles: “Publishing 2010: The Beginning of the End or The End of the Beginning?“.
• How is price related to elasticity of demand? Cory Doctorow discusses this in an interview on Beyond the Book.
• Another author who has used podcasting as a springboard to more traditional publishing is Scott Sigler, author of Ancestor, Infected and Contagious, among others.
• Matthew Wayne Selznick asked (on Facebook), “When was the last time you paid for something creative (music, book, movie, art, etc.) even though it was also available to you for free?” The responses were interesting and sometimes eye-opening.
• Does the podcast novel walk a fine line between marketing tool and gimmick?
• How far is podcasting behind blogging on the adoption curve?
• Is there a sense of entitlement to free works among fans of podcast novelists?
• Mike Masnick at TechDirt says you have to (1) connect with fans and (2) create a reason to buy.
• Selznick: Even providers of free content like Jared Axelrod don’t expect to see direct financial return from that same content.
• What is neo-patronage? Matt explains.
• Thomas provides an example of an artist utilizing neo-patronage: cartoonist/animator Nina Paley.
• Matthew points to Another Sky Press, a publisher that lets customers decide how much they want to pay for a book.
• Matthew also mentions Amanda Palmer.
• Chris mentions Magnatune, which allows customers to set their own prices for music.
• Some artists have used The Ransom Model (or crowd-funding) to support their efforts.
  • Jill Sobule’s 2009 album, California Years, was entirely funded by her fans.
• Did the audience J.C. Hutchins created when he released the 7th Son podcasts let him down when it came time to pony up for the print edition?
• Mur Lafferty offers a variety of content for free: novels, short stories, dramatized fiction and advice for “wannabe writers”.
• John Scalzi is another author who successfully used free content to launch a successful (science-fiction) writing career.
• What does a creator owe their audience?
  • Neil Gaiman: Entitlement Issues; or, George R. R. Martin is not your bitch.
  • Matt isn’t currently working on the sequel to Brave Men Run, and he tells us why. While you’re waiting, you may want to check out Hazy Days and Cloudy Nights.
• Selznick: A better, more ubiquitous form of micro-payments would help make neo-patronage more viable.
  • Could Peter Sunde’s Flattr (currently in beta) be that system?
• The community that has sprung up around podcast novelists is very insular, and incredibly passionate, but have we been drinking too much of our own Kool-Aid? We try to put some perspective to the whole business.
  • Emer Sugrue: Websight: Podiobooks.com.
• Harlan Ellison: Pay the Writer (contains NSFW language).

Lairkeeping

• Our theme music is “Skullcrusher Mountain” by Jonathan Coulton.
• Visit us on the web at trip-dubs dot thesecretlair dot com.
• Try StatusNet for those short updates. This service is invite-only, so send us a note if you’d like to join.
• Got something to say that 140 characters just won’t cover? Say it on our community site.
• Coming up on The Secret Library, The Atrocity Archives by Charles Stross.
• Did you know that The Secret Lair is powered by WordPress? Well, you should; it’ll be on the quiz.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:13:26 — 67.2MB)

To: All Lair Personnel

From: Overlord Miller

Subject: Web site uptime and podcast schedule

While Overlord Johnson and I reward hard work and appreciate an enterprising mind, whomever decided to hook up the Q-Crays to the Desktop Hadron Collidor needs to present him/herself to me as soon as possible.

The resulting gravitational anomaly has trashed all the recordings that Overlord Johnson and I made over the month of December. While we can appreciate that David Moore’s clone’s presence in the building was offensive, it did not call for the destruction of the recording of the interrogation.

Additionally, we’re tracing the individual who sent the Hound of Tindalos puppies to the Turkish Government as a holiday gift. While humorous, it did result in temporary downtime for the web site when the counterattack hit us.

I cannot overemphasize how important branding is to a successful evil enterprise. Microsoft, AT&T, and Chuck E. Cheese have dominated based on catchy slogans and animatronic figures¹ alone.  If we want to maximize the return on our investments in shock troops and propaganda campaigns, we cannot have these sorts of slip-ups and pranks.

Thank you.

1. Steve Ballmer, in the case of Microsoft [↩]

In this highly unedited show, witness the wonder, the non-stop action that is Chris’s last game night with Overlord Johnson and the rest of the gaming crew.

Better show notes to follow, when Overlord Johnson has escaped from the Metaquantum Frabulator which his young padawan made from Legos and some spare plutonium.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 1:33:57 — 83.5MB)