Episode 0028: The Time Traveler’s Wife

Greetings from 1982! I hope these show notes reach you in time to be included when you post The Secret Library discussion of the Time Traveler’s Wife. I’m placing my hand-written notes in a safety deposit box at a Swiss bank (what with me being in Switzerland and all, I thought that was the best option) with instructions that they are to be delivered by special courier on Tuesday, October the 6th, 2009. That is, as near as I can recall, the date the episode in question is supposed to be posted. The account number and passphrase you will need to give the courier in order to authorize delivery of the show notes is [REDACTED].

Well, that’s dumb, isn’t it? I mean, including the account number and passphrase in the contents of the delivery. How the hell are you supposed to know about the credentials if you can’t read my message until after you’ve authorized delivery? Damn it all, I hate time travel. Tell you what: I’m just going to proceed under the assumption that you’ve done what I would do in your shoes; namely, haul the courier off to an interrogation suite and convince him (or her, I suppose) that you are, in fact, the intended recipient of the message.

Right now, you’re probably thinking, I know for a fact that Kris isn’t in Switzerland in 1982, I just spoke to him on the phone not half an hour ago. That’s very true. As you read this, I’m sitting at home, studiously not writing the show notes. By the time I remember that I was supposed to be doing that tonight, I’ll be in the Lair tomorrow morning—on the verge of accidentally tearing another hole in the fabric of the space-time continuum. In fact, that’s the precise moment it will occur to me: right as I’m being pulled through the wormhole. Oh, crap, I’ll think as I tumble through hyperspacetime, I didn’t write the show notes. I knew I shouldn’t have played Left 4 Dead all evening.

But that, as they say, is all spilled milk at this juncture. Water under the bridge. An excited neutrino burst through the temporal displacement matrix.

Moving on…

I’m not going to trouble you with the details of what I’ve had to go through over the past three and a half months to stabilize the little temporal hiccup that’s had me careening about through time-space like a pinball; I’ll save it for my memoirs. Suffice it to say that there was a time when I was not in Switzerland (or anywhere remotely as…Swiss) and now—well, now for me—I am. There will come a time when I’m once again not in Switzerland and (if my calculations are correct) no longer in 1982; instead, I’ll be in Cleveland in 2009 and and the tiny little hole I ripped in the great big space-time continuum will have been sewn shut. With time thread.

You should know that my previous efforts to contact my pre-10/07/2009 self in order to prevent the incident from occurring have all failed. I’ve also given some serious thought to what would happen to me—the me in 1982 Switzerland, that is—if I succeeded, and I think we’re all better off if that doesn’t happen. So, rather than focus on what I can’t and don’t want to change, I’ve decided I may as well try to set this one thing to right. As such, the show notes for our discussion of The Time Traveler’s Wife are attached.

Believe me, I appreciate the irony in that. I really do.

Staff Reports

Chief Medical Officer’s Progress Report. In which the Bad Doctor
speculates that the Minister of Crackpot Schemes and Unfortunate Synergies ought not be involved in our plan to demoisturize the moon.

Discussion

We are joined by our lovely wives to discuss The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger.

• There is chili. And there are Fritos. And SPOILERS.
• Everyone talks about time travel as metaphor, but what if it’s actually a simile?
• Chris discusses the difference between men and women. He says it’s all about the potential versus the kinetic. Or something.
• We explain why Prisoner of Azkaban is the best book-to-film translation of Harry Potter to date.
• Chris issues a challenge to Neil Gaiman (American Gods, Anansi Boys).
• Kris was right about the “R”. The movie version of Clare Abshire is portrayed by Rachel McAdams.

Promo: Serving Worlds by John Mierau.

Lair Keeping

• Our theme music is “Skullcrusher Mountain” by Jonathan Coulton.
• Join our new anti-social network, The Secret Community.
• Follow us on Twitter.

Staff

• Secretary of Artistic Propaganda: Natalie Metzger.
• Minister of Crackpot Schemes and Unfortunate Synergies: Jay “The Kingfish” Lynn.
• Chief Medical Officer: Dr. John Cmar.
• Commandante of Airborne Legions: David Moore.
• Minister of Suspicious Substitutions and Unreasonable Facimiles: The Cynical Optimist.
• Minister of Secrets and Subterfuge: Classified.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 48:56 — 44.8MB)